In the previous post I spoke about how to "cultivate self-love". In this post I want to talk about being conscious of how other people's opinions and comments impact our psyche. Also, as "conscious living practitioners", how we can use our words wisely to inspire, motivate and lift others and avoid the use of words that bring somebody's self-esteem down.
So, I am going to break this post down into 2 parts.
Part 1: Safeguarding your psyche:
Being aware of how other people's opinions and words affect us is important so we can safeguard ourselves and not take everything anyone says personally.
Oftentimes, people closest to us, are the ones to use harsh judgmental words that can affect us deeply and alter our perception of ourselves. And all this can happen without us even realizing it. So first off, know that what anyone says or thinks of you has really nothing to do with you, it's to do with their idea of you which may or may not be true.
Know that you are important, worthy and deserve love and respect simply because you exist. You don't need to have special talents and skills to be accepted.
By all means work on yourself, take responsibility for your life, and improve yourself. This will give you more confidence to live your life with ease and self-reliance. But know that it's not the reason why you should be respected.
Every human being deserves respect and kindness. And if somebody treats you badly, it's due to some internal issue of their own. And there is no need for you to take that personally and evaluate your own self-worth based on their opinion.
So, to summarize this part:
A. Be conscious and aware of how other people's opinions and words are affecting you.
B. Remind yourself to not take anything personally.
C. Know that as humans we are likely to err and flounder. And that's ok. Be gentle, kind and nurture yourself during such times.
Part 2: Supporting and lifting others build their self-esteem:
Oftentimes, we ourselves are not conscious of how our words impact others. And sometimes use them mindlessly. Let what you speak, or share (now that we have a lot of interaction going on in the social media space) go through the following 5 filters:
T: "Is it true"
H: "Is it helpful"
I: "Is it inspiring"
N: "Is it necessary"
K: "Is it kind"
Initially it will be a bit of a challenge, to mindfully apply these filters to your conversations, but trust me, overtime it's going to become second nature. And imagine the kind of positive impact you will be creating with your words❤️
One of my favourite Buddhist teachers, Jack Kornfield, had shared this once, on examining the intentions of our speech, that I found very inspiring. It read:
"Notice the intentions that motivate your speech. Try to be aware of whether your speech is motivated by boredom, concern, irritation, loneliness, compassion, fear, love, competitiveness, or greed. Try to observe without any judgement. Then, after discovering which motivation is present as you speak, notice the effect of the speech. If there is competitiveness or grasping or pride or irritation behind the speech, what response does it elicit from the world around you? If there is compassion or love, what is the response? If your speech is mindless, as if you are on automatic pilot, what is the response? If there is clarity and concern, how is this received and responded to?"
Such sort of reflection will start to make you more aware of how your speech is impacting others, and you will over time learn to choose your words wisely❤️
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