This post is going to be long because it is not very easy to explain "maintaining healthy relationships". So I am going to break this post down into questions and answers.
What is an 'ideal relationship'?
Today we live in times where everything is defined. What a good relationship is, what a bad relationship is etc etc. So we develop these ideas in our heads about how a relationship should be. The truth is that " No relationship is perfect". Perfect is a concept in our heads. Understanding this is key. Don't look for ideal relationships. Work with what you have got.
What are we dealing with in a relationship?
Humans, who are by nature fallible. If we hold everyone to very high standards, then we are going to feel disappointed a great deal of time. Learning to accept people as they are moment by moment can help ease out difficulties.
What should be our intention in a relationship in order to be happy?
Relationships are not meant to make us happy. They are there to help us grow. They help us learn more about ourselves as well as the other person who we are dealing with. If we set our intention to learn and grow through our relationships, then our relationship will be a success.
Why are people, sometimes even close people rude to us, and how to deal with this?
Sometimes people close to us are rude to us, not because they are inherently bad. But maybe because they are in some sort of emotional pain. And are expressing themselves negatively. Always remember only somebody in pain can give pain to others. Happy people spread happiness. This is an opportunity for you to be compassionate and respond with love. You can also apply loving kindness practice and send out blessings to this person acting out his/her pain.
However, if somebody is being abusive ( physically or emotionally ) then you have every right to protect yourself, or find a way to minimize or completely cut contact from the abusive person, if that's possible. If the abusive person happens to be a close family member then you will need to find ways to minimize contact, as your own physical and mental health should always be of top priority. First share a good and healthy relationship with yourself.
What are the ways in which I can nurture my relationships?
- Respond to people with love : This takes effort and practice. We get easily irritated with people very close to us like parents, kids and spouse and tend to take them for granted. See if you can practice 'responding with love' with them a great deal of time. All learning should first begin from your own home.
- Respect All : Treat everyone equally. Inferior and superior are all egoic concepts we have created in our own heads. We are all the same going through different individualistic life paths. We all will die one day, along with that will go, all the identities that we have created. All that really matters is how harmoniously we learnt to live with our differences.
- Share your time : Time is the most wonderful gift you can give anyone. Call up that friend, visit a relative, invite friends over for coffee or dinner, play with your kids, dance with your spouse. And use this time, to be mindful. Give the person who you are spending time with your undivided attention. That would be the most wonderful way to nurture the relationship you share. Make it a habit to find creative ways of nurturing the relationships you have. The more energy you put into something, the better the result.🙂
I will close this post with a wonderful article on 'how the porcupines survived the ice age. Read and reflect how it applies to our own relationships 🙂
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